Tag Archives: gay love

RULE NO.10: BEWARE OF LATE ON-SET ADOLESCENCE

Gay Youth

I’ve coined a new disorder that affects many gay men. It’s called “Late On-Set Adolescence”  and although I’m sure someone has already conducted a study into this phenomenon, I think that it is still widely undiagnosed. 

“Late On-Set Adolescence” (LOA) is the result of gay men having to hide their sexuality throughout their formative development years and missing out on the same experiences as their straight counterparts (sexual exploration, dating, forming friendship groups with likeminded peers etc). In doing so they experience a self-identity growth period that is not indicative of their true self. Whey they finally come out of the closet, they go through a second adolescence whereby they learn about their sexuality, experience sexual contact with the same-sex for the first time, begin dating, find similar friends, go out to gay venues, become more focused on their appearance and experiment with drugs etc. This may happen when they are 18 or 25 or 35 or 50 but for most gay men I know who have been closeted, it does happen at some stage. During this stage, gay men often find themselves drawn to other men who are experiencing LOA and this is one of the reasons that you see groups of friends who are of mixed ages; the 30 year old who socialises with 18 years olds, the 50 year old who hangs out with guys in their ’20s.

LOA is a period of experimentation and self discovery that gay men must experience. It can be an amazing time for growth and self acceptance but conversely, just like acne during puberty, there are down sides. Some men become fixated with “making up for lost time” and take their sexual experimentation to a whole new level, sleeping with many different partners and becoming obsessed with the pursuit of sex. Although I am a strong advocate for (safe) sex and sexual exploration, I believe  that any excessive behaviour is unhealthy and detrimental to one’s happiness.

Also, during this period one might see gay men become cliquey and “bitchy”, enjoying the drama that comes with dating, sleeping around and making new friends. Often their social lives become reminiscent of a high school playground with cattiness, drama and fighting. These traits are particularly unpleasant and contribute to the stereotype of gay men being bitchy queens.

For many, this period is short lived as they move into the next phase of deeper “inner” self discovery.  The problem arises however when gay men become stuck in LOA, when they sacrifice ambition for trivial pursuits such as time in the gym or on the dance floor or finding their next sexual conquest. They may mature in age but  they seem to always be chasing the next  guy who is experiencing LOA (perhaps in order to avoid growing up and facing the next stage of develpment?). You’ll notice these guys as the 30/40 somethings who still dress like teenagers (revealing singlets, short shorts, baseball caps and high tops) and always appear to be dating or surrounded by younger guys.

The cure for LOA is self-acceptance as soon as possible. Gay boys should be encouraged to experience adolescence when it was intended for them to do so. The most well-rounded gay men that I know are the those who “came out” the earliest or didn’t need to come out at all. As society becomes more accepting of homosexuality, it is my hope that more gay men learn to accept their sexuality at a younger age and eventually LOA will simply be ‘A’.

Photo credit: Willy Vanderperre

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RULE NO.9: THE ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LOBBY DON’T LIKE YOU

Gay Marriage

“Wont somebody please think of the children?” – Helen Lovejoy

Just like Helen Lovejoy, politicians, religious leaders and all those who oppose same-sex marriage claim that their first and most important concern is ‘the children’. They stand by their convictions on the claim that they are protecting ‘the children’ from the malevolent force that is homosexual parents. They argue that same-sex couples cannot provide for ‘the children’ in the same way that heterosexual parents can. That children need a mother and a father. But what about straight single parents? Children who have lost a parent? Should we ban unmarried, single women from having children or take back a child when he or she looses a parent by misfortune or divorce? Clearly, this argument is flawed.

Once they’ve emotionally exhausted themselves by thinking of all the wrongs that same-sex couples will do to the aforementioned children, they move on to their next argument; same-sex marriage will destroy the moral fabric that holds society together. In essence, if men can marry men, they claim, then what’s next? A man marrying a horse? Well I’ve done my research and it appears that men have already been afforded the right to marry their equine lovers. Surely it’s time for the gays?

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The problem with all arguments put forward by the opposition, and the reason why they’ll eventually loose the debate, is because they aren’t saying what they really want to say. They aren’t basing their argument on their true belief and that is that those who oppose same-sex marriage oppose homosexuality. The real reason that they do not want same-sex couples to be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples is because they fervently disagree with homosexuality. Obviously they never raise this point in public debates and forums because it sounds much more heroic to fight against same-sex marriage on behalf of the innocent children than it does because of your own personal feelings towards the people it will effect.

I look forward to being part of an honest debate, one whereby the issues are discussed honestly and openly, though I doubt we’ll ever hear a politician openly state “I don’t support same-same marriage because I don’t like gays”. It’s not very modern to publicly talk about your opposition to homosexuality and anyway, people sympathise much more with the plight of ‘the children’.

In the end though, there is no moral or ethical reason why same-sex marriage should not be legalised just as there is no moral or ethical reason why women should not be allowed to vote, or couples to marry within different racial groups and look how that turned out.

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