There is a special type of man that every gay guy needs in his life. This type of guy is an essential partner who can make the arduous journey through life that that little bit more pleasant. He will be there to console you during your breakups, dance with you to cheesy diva music on a night out and offer you advice from a completely unique perspective. He is the type of guy that you can talk to about things you can’t with your other guy friends and although you may say, “I love you” to each other, it is a very different type of love. There is a special type of man that every gay guy needs in his life and that is a straight male best friend.

It takes a straight man with special qualities to bestfriend a gay guy. The first quality required is an unwavering comfort in his own heterosexuality. Whether he’s sharing a bed with you on holiday in order to save money or dancing on a podium next to you with his shirt off, doing things that are perceived to be gay does not faze a straight guy who is comfortable in his own sexuality. He will feel comfortable walking down the street with his girlfriend hand-in-hand while you walk next to him with your boyfriend hand-in-hand. He’ll hug and kiss you hello and tell you that he misses you when he hasn’t seen you in a while. He will easily blend into a social situation where he’s the only straight guy, not flinching when your gay friends are being overly flirtatious or affectionate and he’ll relish the fact that you introduce him as your “token straight friend”. For him, being around gay guys is not a threat to his masculinity. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t even faze him at all.

A straight best friend doesn’t see sexuality as a defining aspect of your friendship. You are not his “gay best friend” and he is not your “straight best friend”, you are just mates. This is the second essential quality. While some straight girls excitingly seek a gay best friend as some sort of glitzy, novelty accessory, your best mate loves you for so much more than your sexuality. You share similar values and similar tastes in music, sports, humor, books and fashion. Together you can talk about similar experiences in love, relationships, heartache and it doesn’t matter that those experiences are between different genders. Some of these guys may have been your best friends from a time before puberty, when your sexuality was still dormant while others you may have only met after you came out. In both cases your different sexual preferences were never a factor on which your friendship was forged.

Much like with any other friendship, the most important quality that a straight man must possess in order to bestfriend a gay guy is loyalty. It is loyalty that ensures the longevity of any friendship, it is loyalty that helps a relationship survive the ups and downs of life and it is loyalty that binds male friends as brothers. Loyal friends are those who will be there when the club lights are turned on and when the music stops playing. It is during times of personal crisis such as health scares, deaths and depression that a loyal straight friend truly displays his mateship.

Having a straight man as a best friend also provides balance to one’s life. They provide a sounding board on which you can bounce ideas, problems and concerns and receive advice back from a different viewpoint. Often if we spend too much time within our own community, surrounded only by other gay guys we can become caught up in the drama of daily gay life. Having a neutral, outside party with whom we can confer is important for ensuring not only variety but also one’s own sanity. A straight male best friend is also a reminder that in a world where we have been judged, teased and chastised largely by other straight males, there are those in our midst who love, support and care for us regardless of our sexuality.

Image by Olaf Blecker

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  1. Seth S. says:

    This article is amazing. It brought so many good memories to me…and, of course, I had to forward to my best straight man friends.

  2. ckylu1 says:

    Wow, I can see my best buddy Gregory a.k.a My Brother Psycho all over this, he completes me 😊

  3. Great piece! Now what would be interesting would be a reply from the straight friend about what it means to have a gay male friend and explain what the relationship brings to his life. Any takers?

    • themoderngay says:

      That’s a brilliant idea!

      • I’d be more than willing to give my perspective of things as soon as I can gather enough free time to elaborate to the extent that would explain things without leaving things vague or incomplete.

      • Caleb says:

        Gosh, hit me up for an interview! I was plucked up by a gay man, now best friend during a rough time in my life. Now he and his husband are like my father’s… Always giving advice and different ways to advance myself in my career, goals and ambitions. I have been saved by this Mate! My family asks almost weekly if I am gay, friends and otherwise also suggest I must be gay but I feel and always state that’s it’s just my profound comfort in my own sexuality, heterosexuality.

    • Armand.Hammer says:

      To me, having a gay best friend means just about what you’d think it would. My best friend is attracted to males, and occasionally I’ll get pictures of him in heels and/or a dress. Other than that, we’re pretty similar.

      He’s a great guy, and he’s definitely had a huge impact on my life. We’re practically brothers. But I guess I just never really attributed that to his gay-ness. He’s a great friend because he’s a great friend. 🙂

      • themoderngay says:

        Thanks for the response Armand. It’s great to hear a straight man’s perspective and you summed it all up quite nicely – “he’s a great friend because he’s a great friend”. That’s what its all about in the end.

    • Having a gay best friend to me means having someone to hang out with when I want a break from all the machoness from my straight male friends. When sexual orientation isn’t a common thread, we can talk about stuff other than sex and women. With my straight friends, most of our conversations revolve around that. Not to mention, an attractive gay best friend means attention from women without the competition.

    • Jay says:

      I’m straight and have a close friend that’s gay. We hang out all the time, surf together and do normal guy things. There’s nothing really to talk about. The fact he is gay is the least important part of the relationship. He’s just a good, solid friend to spend time with.

    • jim says:

      My gay best friend understands girls on a different level than me or my straight friends. His perspective is fairly unique, even with respect to my female friends. Also, he is honest about my failings and shortcomings as a boyfriend. Which is something that has helped me a lot. Other than that, I don’t think I can associate any other characteristics to him being gay. Though the author hit the nail on the head. What makes a good friend is shared experiences, shared interests and being having each others backs.

  4. kaiserraath says:

    I could really do with one of those *sigh*

  5. EricNolaIan says:

    Hi, I was sent this article by my best friend, and after reading it I felt obligated to share my thoughts, and experience.

    My name is Eric and my best friend’s name is Josh. Josh and I met in High School, before he came out, and we have been mates ever since. What makes our relationship so special and invaluable is that we are so different. I am, and tend to be, a very straight laced (ha, straight), Catholic Church going, heterosexual, conservative male. Josh on the other hand, is the left to my right wing. He is a proud gay man with a wonderful, loving partner and a beautiful soul. I have been with Josh through his ups and his downs, relationships, breakups, when he came out to his family, various drag nights and exploits. I can confidently say that I have always been comfortable with, and enjoyed it all. Even when the MC of a local gay bar hit on me in front of a jealous, onlooking Josh.

    Of course we argue over topics anyone would expect us to argue over, but there in, again lies the core of our friendship, we are opposite sides of the same coin. I do not want to know nor contemplate who I would be without him in my life, and I love being apart of his. I do not feel ashamed of saying that I have given Josh a kiss on the forehead before and told him I loved him when he needed it. Not having a brother of my own, I am proud to call Josh my forever loyal and eternal, gay brother.

    I love and am so proud of you.

    • Chris says:

      The world needs more people like you

    • themoderngay says:

      Eric thank you so much for taking the time to write that beautiful response. It’s so comforting to know that there are straight men in the world such as yourself who can see beyond sexuality when it comes to friendship. Yours is an inspiring story that shows that opposites attract and that even if we have different views, we can still be friends with each other and even love each other. Your mate Josh is one lucky guy!

  6. pjfoxwrites says:

    Reblogged this on P.J. Fox Writes.

  7. Jamee says:

    Where can I find me one of these!?

  8. Vincent says:

    I have have several straight male friends, and all of them, bring something unique and different to the table. My best friend, I have to joy of living with as it happened to coincide with when my current roommates were moving out to buy a house, and he was looking for a new apartment.

    Soon we became inseparable as we shared many similar tastes. The moment I realized our relationship had passed an unforgettable milestone was one of the first times I held his son. He was in the other room discussing something with his ex, and I had offered to hold the baby and try to get him to sleep after his bottle. My best friend came out of his room, and saw me on the couch, gently humming and rocking his son to sleep. Without hesitation, he leaned down and kissed me on the top of my head, and patted my back gently. Seeing me love his son like he was mine brought a realization of the deeper closeness between us we hadn’t realized had been growing the entire time.

    Now we are inseparable, and luckily his current girlfriend understands that to be with him, we are a package deal, we are like family now. And the next relationship I enter will also have that stipulation. He is a part of me, and I cannot imagine my life without him.

    • Tim says:

      My gay friend sent me this and as the straight friend Id be happy to elaborate. My friend is just a friend who has a lot of really similar interest as me. When he came out to me he was a wreck and I was completely unsurprised nor did I care. When he got outed against his own choices in college I convinced him to let me throw him a brokeback mountain themed party and invite all our friends. I paid for all the booze and filled a super soaker with coffee and had him stand in front of the booze an would t let anyone get anything to drink until they shook his ha and told him they don’t care he was gay, and if they had a problem they could expect to get soaked with coffee and kicked out. After having him confide in me just how hard it was to accept that he was gay and what he went through how could I not have his back? Aside from a few nights like that its pretty much like any other great friendship, except I know he appreciates me that much more because I’m always gonna have his back when he has to deal with some ignorant bs.

  9. BougieHippie says:

    I’ve noticed that the straight males in my life treat me with glass gloves. They praise me when I walk into a room but wont let me fight my own battles and sometimes treat me as I’m their “special friend.” It becomes daunting after a while, it’s like they are mix on how to treat me being a male that happens to like males.

  10. Hatta Hatta says:

    All that closeness… what if you develop feeling for your best friend? Cliché, right? It happens.

  11. Lawrence says:

    This article was sent to me by my straight friend haha. I don’t know how he found this or what he was looking for. But anyway, my best friend and I became friends while we both served in the military together. We quickly became brothers. He always does those funny “gay” things because he’s comfortable with himself and me. I love that guy. haha

  12. ralph castillano says:

    i have a best friend who is a straight guy and i would like to thank him because he did not judge me and he accepted me for who i am. even though other people are creating stories behind our backs, saying that we are “lovers”, he still stood their beside me and did not leave me. :)) this article is so great!!

  13. Mike says:

    Everyone hop on the straight guy obsession train.

  14. Author, G. D. Grace says:

    Reblogged this on Author, G. D. Grace.

  15. Nelly Oleson says:

    I’m confused as to how gay people can’t be loyal and friendly…

    “It must be a straight guy” “His sexuality is irrelevant” Wait, which is it?

    It’s also more than a little gross to say that gay friends are just drama queens, and you have to find a straight guy so he is “above it”. Can we let the gay men are catty queens stereotype die please?

  16. go to hell! says:

    My Favorite Quote: It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother. Sam of GGGAAAYYY DOT COM –

  17. Travis R. says:

    Dear writer of “The One Guy That Every Gay Man Needs in His Life,”

    I came across your article on Facebook after someone posted it with enthusiastic agreement. Personally I find this article to be ignorant. It’s necessary for every gay guy to have a straight best guy friend??? so as a white guy should I also make sure to have a best friend who is black? or latino? or asian? Or as a Christian should I be sure to adopt a Muslim best friend? I wonder if my Jewish friends would get jealous..

    I’m happy with the friends that I have. I love my friends. They’re there for me, I’m there for them, we have fun, and none of my friends are straight males.

    This article is an example of the ignorant messages we are teaching young gay kids. You can’t survive without a straight male friend – so come out of the closet! but make sure to bring a straight guy with you..???

    Furthermore, in agreement with Nelly O. (above), clearly the need for a straight best friend here is to cut the drama out of our gay lifestyles. Because when all your friends are gay, expect DRAMA. For any young readers out there, please do not fall victim to this article. Be yourself and keep friends that love you and support you, no matter their background.

    We don’t NEED certain kinds of people in our lives. We NEED to be accepting of the many different kinds of people around us. It’s as simple as that.

  18. […] Modern Gay posted a great article earlier this month entitled, The One Guy That Every Gay Man Needs In His Life. The article about male gay / straight relationships talks about how important and special a […]

  19. Mark says:

    Clearly, the last thing you need is another comment ! I love the line above, “For any young readers out there (like … what? … we’re only old. I’m not), please do not fall victim to this article (well, you persuasive rascal you ! I wish I had that kind of influence. I can’t even bring myself to type the last sentence … it’s so jejune and childishly inarticulate that, well … it’s as simple as that !

  20. go to hell! says:

    My “Very Accepting Straight” Friends? I cannot imagine life without them! They provide me a LOT of support and Amusement! May GOD BLESS ALL OF THEM!

  21. Brock says:

    I totally forwarded this to my best male friend, who happens to be straight, haha! never has an article described our relationship so perfectly!

  22. shez002 says:

    This is a beautiful article. I came across this article via Facebook through another straight friend. it made me think of one of my friends who is straight and has a gf and we share some kind of similar friendship even though we are not as close to each other yet but we easily can if we spent more time with each other. The conclusion is: this article made me understand it better what exactly it means to be having a friendship like that which could be very confusing to begin with especially when you never had come across some
    one like that before. Thanks for writing about it and thanks to my friend Caleb for sharing.

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