Am I having enough sex? Should I be having more? Or less? Should I be promiscuous while I’m young? Should I be having more adventurous sex? All these questions constantly go round and round in my head.
Gay sex is a minefield and for most of us, one we’ve had to navigate ourselves pretty much blind. Gay sex education is almost non-existent in school (at least when I was growing up), you can’t really turn to your parents for their perspectives and without gay siblings, role models or friends, there’s very few places one can turn to for advice.
For this reason most of what I personally learnt about sex was through porn and through trial and error.
I also wonder if the emphasis that the gay community places on sex is one of the reasons that so many guys (myself included) find it hard to make meaningful connections. There are definitely gay men out there who have a healthy relationship with sex but for the rest of, there’s confusion and disconnection and a little bit of anxiety.
Watch this video of me talking about gay sex and my experience and let me know how you feel about this sticky topic.
THE MODERN GAY GUIDE TO LIFE 
Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video, talk it out and post it. I had the same experience in my 20s when an older gay coroner told me the same thing – sleep with as many people as you can before it’s too late! It’s something I’ve also been thinking a lot about recently since I’m turning 35 this year and have been in a monogamous relationship for almost 10 years! I find myself constantly thinking about the future of my relationship, if I’ve missed out or will miss out on better sex if we don’t redefine our relationship. But when I was single, I felt empty after hookups and am just not wired for NSA fun. My wheels have been turning looking back and thinking ahead. Good to know I am not alone thinking through all of this. Complex topic indeed.
Hi josh,
Its recognizable, this year i turned 39. And i’m single after 10 yrs relation. Earlier this year i was watching sex education on netflix and I realized that there is no guide for gaysex. What kind of roles and how some preparations work out.
Watching the program made me realize it would be so much easier when i saw a similar program when i was younger. But even now it teached me something, to be more open about sex.
In a strange way i met a amazing australian guy, and we have a special connection, but the second time we met we spoke about sex, what i like and what I definitely don’t want, not only on sex but also in a relation. And for us both it was new to be this open. But for now its working out. So even when your 39 and out of the closet since ‘99, i’m still learning…
Thanks for the inspiration 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for putting this out!
This is so helpful, I’m in my early 20’s and have only been with a few guys. Since forever I told myself that once I was out I would have crazy amounts of sex and let the flood gates free! But after coming out literally a few weeks before lockdown, it’s been hard to accept me being single in a small town. But this conversation of hyper sexualizing gay culture and giving yourself the opportunity to express your love how and when it feels right has been very positive in figuring out what I really want. And not only that but also not feeling like I need to validate my sexuality or self esteem based of sex.
Thank you! Your content is amazing and inspirational!!😘
I am 40, and I agree the stigma behind gay sex and education is nuts. I remember my first sexual encounter at 14, and it was awkward and accidental. Me and that boy were sexual until both graduating high school. The way it all played out really took a toll on me. He was there to get off in my tight ass, and I was looking for love and connection with a boy. I have reached out to reconnect with him many times over the years since I was 18, but he does not seem interested now that I am an out, gay man. It’s like he fears people will know he fucked me. I spent my 20’s married to a woman and all screwed up sexually. I spent my days working a job outside of our home and my nights on the web searching for guys to cam with or meet up with. I was very promiscuous in those days and now regret sharing my body and self with so many assholes.
Thanks for sharing the tips and advice about gay sex.