Author Archives: themoderngay

MEN OF DISTINCTION: BEN COHEN

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The world needs more positive gay role models, homosexual men and women that LGBTI youth can look up to for guidance, hope and direction. The world also needs more straight allies, heterosexual men and women who take a stand against inequality, bullying and discrimination. The world needs more people like Ben Cohen.

Former English rugby union player, Ben Cohen has developed a global gay following thanks to his rustic good looks and well-formed athletic body but it’s his advocacy work against bullying that has earned him the greatest respect.  In 2011, inspired by his father Peter, who was fatally injured while protecting an attack victim, Ben established The Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation Inc., the first organisation dedicated solely to anti-bullying. The mission of the foundation is “to raise awareness of the long-term, damaging effects of bullying and to raise funds to support those doing real-world work to stop it”. As LGBTI youth are often the targets of bullying, the foundation has worked closely with the community by providing grants and assistance to various LGBTI organisations.

On his website Cohen says that “it is time we stand up for what is right and support people who are being harmed. Every person on this planet has a right to be true to themselves, to love and be loved, and to be happy”.

Handsome, distinguished, philanthropic and a straight ally, the world needs more people like Ben Cohen.

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MODERN GAY STYLE: TRIBAL

Modern Gay Style Models Vivanco Givenchy Shoot6

Givenchy is the ultimate menswear label. Under the creative guidance of Riccardo Tisci, each season the label continues to deliver distinct, ultra-modern designs and prints. What’s more, Tisci challenges the conventions of menswear with skirts, leggings and over-sized shirts, pushing the boundaries of men’s clothing as creative fashion should. In this cover story for DSECTION Magazine, Tisci selects looks from Givenchy’s Spring/Summer 2014 collection and Paolo Zagoreo cleverly styles those looks to create “A New Ethnic”.  The story is shot by photographer Mariano Vivanco and features models Harry Goodwins, Andy Walters, Emil Terry, Betty Adewole, Ivan Gonzalez and Jibril.

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MODERN GAY CULTURE: SATAN IN HIGH HEELS

SATAN HIGH HEELS

Rupert Noffs, The Modern Gay NYC contributor, heads to the theater and discovers that if the Devil wears Prada then Satan wears high heels.

Camp! Sassy! Plain old devillsh! If you’re looking for fun this week, and want to escape the New York City chill, head to the Off-Broadway production of SATAN IN HIGH HEELS playing at the TheaterLab from November 1st to 3rd.

The swinging 1960’s was the age of go-go dancers, the fall of social taboos, Woodstock, and “sexploitation” films. Movies like “Lorna”, “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! KIll!” and this, “Satan In High Heels”, were generally exhibited in urban grind house theaters. This version for stage was written by Robbie Robertson and Directed by Mark Finley (Artistic Director of TOSOS. NYC’s oldest LGBT theater company) and stars Karen Stanion as Stacey Kane a sociopathic carnival striptease dancer that sleeps her way to the top in her quest to become a Manhattan cabaret singer. She engages in a series of sizzling affairs with lesbian nightclub manager Pepe, nightclub owner and shady businessman Arnold Kenyon, and Arnold’s naive college student son, Larry.

Stanion plays Stacy Kane as a Marylin Monroe-gone-bad character which was fun to watch – equal parts Satan & Sass! Ron Bopst as Arnold Kenyon was strong as Stacy’s side-kick. Virginia Baeta as Pepe was butch but brassy, Paul Cailoa as Larry Kenyon, Brett Warwick as Rudy Valetine, and Jacqueline Sydney as Felice who knows how to make an entrance. It was Robert Locke, however, who stole the show with his overly camp potrayal of Paul. He had perfect timing. He just needs to savor more moments with his adoring audience. Jim Nugent as the cab driver/Vincent the waiter, Larry Bullcok as the Barker/Louie/Witch Doctor,  Jeremy Lawrence, Mary Louise Mooney and Chris Weikel glued the ensemble together. As a group they worked together well, with no-one shifting focus and all totally in the moment. The ensemble scenes were the high-light of Satan In High Hells, with hints of vaudeville and slapstick.

The set was as simple as they come. Four black chairs used as the main props and an effective projection screen on the wall behind, told the audience where we were. Black and white shots of the Manhattan skyline worked well. It was slightly disappointing, however, to see the capability of the lighting at the Dixon Place Theatre not being used to it’s full potential. We got either black-out or white-out. I would’ve loved a spot-light here or there, especially in the song sequences and even some color…Devil Red, perhaps?

The star of the original 60’s film, Meg Mylles, was sitting front-row center at last night’s performance. What a darling. It was amusing to watch her reactions throughout the show. Especially the moment where Stanion mimes to Mylles’ voice from the famous “The Female Of The Species” scene. I felt frustrated for Stanion, however as she had a slight wardrobe-malfunction with her belt at the end, which, she could’ve worked into the performance (how about throwing the belt to Mylles with a little air-kiss?) but, you could see Stanion was caught off guard …and rightly so! That was brave.

Having only seen moments of the original film, one of the first low-budget “indie” films which brought a new wave aimed as a vehicle for the exhibition of non-explicit sexual situations and gratuitus nudity. I thought Roberston did an exceptional job in bringing the story back to life; which you’d would think is tricky with something that is, let’s face it, pretty dated. He penned a script that even young theater goers could bite into and be satisfied.  There were moments that reminded me of a more sexier Death of A Salesman. A comedy of errors with lipstick, if you will.

The dance scenes were wonderfully choreographed by John Paolillio, with priceless 1960’s trademark moves. If only there were more!

The whole production was brilliantly Directed by Mark Finley who, you can tell, had a lot of fun with his cast. There were moments, however, that could be slowed down to let room for audience laughter and applause. We wanted to, we just didn’t have time! Also, when the actors mimed the ‘teasing of the hair’, ‘honking the car horn’ and ‘writing the check’ these moments had the opportunity to be over-acted. Sometimes, it’s odd for the audience to not actually see these props, so why not make it completely over-the-top and fun? Which is, exactly what this show is all about.

For the love of God, go see Satan!

Side Note: Last night’s performance was at Dixon Place Theatre, and having been a Lower East Side resident for nearly a year now, I thought I’d been to every diner and dive. Obviously not. This space is awesome. Complete with bar, rehearsal space and full theater for 150 people including mezzanine. Dixon Place is a not-for-profit organization and the audience was encouraged to “drink up” at the bar to help pay for the staff and performers. Who doesn’t love a drink with a splash of good karma?

The remainder performances of Satan In High Heels will be playing from November 1, 2 and 3, 2013 at TheaterLab NYC located at 357 West 36th Street between Eighth and Ninth Avenue. For more information visit www.sataninhighheels-theplay.com. To purchase tickets click here.

Image Credit: Nir Arieli

 

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5 MISCONCEPTIONS GAY BOYS HAVE ABOUT OTHER GAY BOYS

Modern Gay Male Models Life

And so the saying goes “the grass is always greener on the other side“. However, those who have actually taken the time to peer over the fence, will have noticed that this isn’t always the case. While it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others, gay boys seem to constantly benchmark themselves against other gay boys.  But is every other gay guy actually having a much better time than you?

In a bid to set the record straight, here are the 5 MISCONCEPTIONS GAY BOYS HAVE ABOUT OTHER GAY BOYS:

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1. Everyone is having more sex than you

You’re the only one not getting laid. While everyone else is having wild, passionate sex with handsome men all over the city you’re eating Ben and Jerry’s Choc Chip Cookie Dough and watching re-runs of Sex and the City.  If you’re in your early 20s you’re particularly worried that when you turn 30 your sex life is going  to shutdown faster than an Ed Hardy store.  NOT TRUE. A recent Australian study revealed that men in their 30’s have the most active sex lives amongst all age groups. If you’re in your 30s, don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that all your peers are out getting laid every night (it just means there’s a lot of sexually frustrated 20 year-olds).

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2. Everyone has been in a romantic relationship except for you

This one’s for all the young guys out there who complain that at 19 years-old they’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Boys, real life is not like an episode from Glee. Great relationships are actually hard to come by and don’t come with a pop soundtrack. When they do happen they’re amazing and the longer it takes to find one, the more you’ll appreciate it. Enjoy the journey and remember “you wont find love from someone else until you love yourself”.

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3. Everyone has a better social life than you do

Going out Tuesday-Sunday night does not make you a better person. It just makes you tired. While some boys are so stricken with FOMOOB (fear of missing out on boys) that they need to be on the scene nightly, the majority of people are happy to have a few nights in. We all have periods of time when we have no social plans and other times when we’re more popular than Lady Gaga on Twitter.  If you’ve got nowhere to be on Saturday night, don’t fret. Just grab a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Choc Chip Cookie Dough and put on Sex and the City.

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4. Your friends get more attention from men than you do

Whether it’s on Instagram, in the club or at the gym, you feel that your friends get much more attention from men than you do. The truth is that while you’re too busy focusing on the people checking out your “hot” mate, you’re probably missing out on the guys looking at you. As my grandmother says, “every jar has a lid” and you’ll miss finding your lid if you spend too much time  benchmarking your attractiveness against others. Stop comparing yourself to your friends and if you can’t do that, then make some new friends.

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5. Everyone else is happy

This is the biggest misconception that gay men, straight men, women, children and everyone in between share. Life is full of ups and downs and no living person is excused from the vast array of human emotions, good and bad. Unfortunately modern technology has allowed us to edit out the crappy parts of our lives and repackage for the public an image we wish to portray. It’s not often we see a picture on Facebook of someone after they’ve had a terrible day or fought with a friend or eaten a tub of ice-cream (Ben and Jerry’s) or had their heart broken. Social media is not real life. Sometimes though real life isn’t any better as we’ve  been conditioned to pretend that everything is ok.  In actual fact we’re often just as confused, anxious and upset as each other.

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FRIDAY MUSIC FIX: GREASE

Grease John Travolta Modern Gay Movies

I can’t recall the first time that I watched the 1978 film Grease but I do know that when I look back on my childhood, “You’re the one that I want” is the song playing over my montage of memories. When I was 10-years-old I dressed up like Danny Zuko for a 6-month period and forced all family members, neighbours and school friends to watch me re-inact every moment and song from the 255 minute long movie.  I was totally infatuated by John Travolta and swore that when I grew up I would be exactly like him, in every way. Although I didn’t grow up to be a singer or an actor, it turns out that John Travolta and I have other things in common….

This week Grease The Musical opened in Sydney and I was thrilled to have been invited to the premiere. Starring the very handsome, Rob Mills as Danny Zuko and uber talented Gretel Scarlett as Sandy, the show was a sing-a-long spectacular. I had to remind myself that people weren’t there to hear my rendition of “Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee” but thankfully there were moments when audience participation was encouraged.  Although die-hard fans might be aware of the inconstancies between the movie and the musical, overall the show was a fun and entertaining night out.

For ticket info click here.

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Images by Jeff Busby

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RULE NO.24: FAKE SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES WILL HAVE YOU FOOLED

Modern Gay Facebook Profile Marcello Alvarez

If you’ve befriended someone on social media who you think is too perfect to be real, you’re probably right. 

It was five hours before my 3,000 word university essay was due and with 2,500 words left to write, I did what any good student would do, I procrastinated. Somehow I had moved from ‘evaluating qualitative methods for marketing research’ to prowling Facebook. While jumping from profile to profile, I stumbled upon the page of a remarkably good looking Australian boy. His profile picture was typical of those used by many gay men –  he was in his speedos, showing off his perfect, tanned body, somewhere close to the beach. Right away I was enamoured by this beautiful specimen of a man whose sexy dark features were more South American than Australian.  The further I clicked through his pictures, the deeper I fell. With thousands of followers, hundreds of picture “likes” and countless complimentary status comments , it was clear that I was not the only one who had been fascinated by this stranger.

Although on face(book) value, his profile seemed legitimate, my intuition told me that something wasn’t right. There were two observations that made me feel uneasy.  Firstly, the friends featured in his pictures all seemed to be of South American appearance which was strange considering that his current location was set to the Gold Coast, an area of Australia known for its blonde haired and blue eyed residents. Secondly, in the background of one of his pictures I noticed a beach which looked very much like Copacabana in Rio.

Having been inspired by the MTV series Catfish, a show which exposes the real people behind fake online profiles, I decided to do my own investigating. I downloaded one of his profile pictures and just like in Catfish, I plugged the picture into a Google Image Search and waited. Immediately hundreds of results appeared. As you can imagine, the images I saw before me did not belong to the so-called Australian but to straight Brazilian model Marcello Alvarez. It was clear that the Facebook profile, with all of its status updates,  pictures and personal details was indeed fake.

Although the individual behind the fake profile may see his actions as harmless entertainment, I feel that this type of deceit is dangerous. Not only is it dangerous for the audience who becomes fascinated by the show of someone else’s life but it’s dangerous for the real person behind the fake profile. Living vicariously through an invented persona achieves nothing in the long run. All those “likes” do not belong to you. All that attention is not directed at you. Where do you hope this will take you? How will it all end now that you’re in so deep?

If Catfish is any indication of the type of people that create these profiles, then typically they all fit a similar mould. They are social recluses from lower socio-economic backgrounds who suffer from self-esteem issues and look nothing like their imagined online personas. Add the pressures faced by young gay men and you can understand why the internet is such an appealing place. The online world gives these types of people the opportunity to live out their fantasies and escape from their real lives.

I always preach the benefits of being true to yourself, so this type of betrayal worries me greatly. However, instead of being enraged by those who abuse Facebook and other social media platforms, we should empathise with them and try understand the reasons behind their actions. Such extreme behaviour and ongoing trickery is a sign of something much deeper than the need for attention.  While I do not condone lying, playing with people’s emotions or eliciting attention through false means, I understand that sometimes the world can be a harsh place from where we need to escape.

Image Credit: Model Florian Van Bael photographed by Philippe Vogelenzang

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5 WAYS THAT “MEAN GIRLS” IS LIKE GAY LIFE

Mean Girls Modern Gay Life Style Fashion

Mean Girls, the 2004 comedy written by Tina Fey was so much more than a story about four high school girls, it was a witty and intelligent portrayal of teenage life and the social issues faced by teenagers. Starring Rachael McAdams, Amanda Seyfried and Lacey Chabert, Mean Girls was particularly responsible for launching one certain person into popular culture. And that person was Glen Coco. It also starred Lindsay Lohan.

Surprisingly being a gay man is quite like being a teenage girl in high school and as such we can learn a lot about gay life from Mean Girls.

Here is the list of 5 WAYS THAT MEAN GIRLS IS LIKE GAY LIFE

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1. “I’m new. I just moved here from Africa”

Mean Girls is the story of Cady Heron, a young girl starting at a new school and navigating her way through cliques, personalities and the unspoken rules of adolescense. Slightly aware of her own attractiveness, she’s immediately spotted by the popular group and taken under their wing. The popular girls teach her their high school ways and after a while she becomes a fully fledged member, wielding her own manipulative powers. In the end personalities cross, truths are revealed and mayhem ensues.

And so too goes the story of young gay guys entering the gay “scene”. Unknown gay boy leaves the suburbs and moves to the big city. Slightly aware of his twinky good looks he’s immediately adopted by the popular gays who teach him the ways of partying, sex, socialising and cliquey-ness . After a period of intense drama, cheating and backhanded bitchniness the popular group falls apart and the young gay boy, having slept with way too many people returns home or is forced to move to a new city.

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2. “Being with the plastics was like being famous… people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you”

Just like high school, the gay community can feel quite small and after a while everyone seems to know everybody’s business. There also exists that “popular” group of gay guys, or “scene queens” in gay speak, who everyone knows about. They seem to be perpetually on holiday (somewhere warm) and when they are in town they’re probably drinking cocktails at a fabulous restaurant or lounging in speedos by someone’s pool. Although you don’t know them personally, thanks to social media, you’re kept well updated on all aspects of their social lives.

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3. “I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there’s lots of things that can be wrong on your body”

Have you ever met a gay guy who is 100% content with his appearances? Probably not. Sure he might look like an adonis to you but chances are he hates his body. Whether it’s small calves, an underdeveloped 6-pack or a slightly less defined left arm, apparently there’s a lot of things that can be wrong with gay men’s bodies. No matter how much time is spent in the gym, we’re never content.

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4. “On Wednesdays we wear pink”

If you want to fit in with other gay guys then you have to dress like other gay guys. This usually means dressing as “straight” as possible. Any sign of unique style or a shirt that’s slightly too flamboyant and you immediately become unsexable (and sex is the ultimate goal right?). Oh and always remember, in gay clubs we don’t wear tops.

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5. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”

Halloween for gays is more of an occasion to dress as your ultimate sexual fantasy than it is to  dress in traditional “scary” garb. This is often achieved by taking a mucho sport/profession/superhero such as policeman, footballer, pirate etc and making it as slutty as possible. Some may say that gays dress like total sluts on most Saturday nights but nothing is more slutty than a gay on October 31st. In Sydney there’s even a gay party called “Halloween Whores”.

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THE MODERN GAY MAN ABOUT TOWN: GUESS ISLAND

Shirtless Waiters Modern Gay Party Guess

The Modern Gay was invited by Guess to attend their annual summer party and launch of the label’s summer collection. Held on Sydney harbour, guests were transported by boat to the Guess Island where shirtless male waiters served tropical inspired cocktails and a troupe of 22 Polynesian fire dancers and drummers provided unique entertainment. Did I mention that there were shirtless waiters serving drinks? This Modern Gay Man enjoyed his fair share of cocktails, ensuring that a continuous flow of handsome waiters were kept in close proximity.

The party continued with old school tunes thanks to The Faders  who kept the harbour rocking long after the sun had set. On the The Modern Gay Evaluation Scale this party scored 4.5 rainbows out of 5, in part due to the shirtless waiters but mainly thanks to the mix of good weather, friendly people, tasty drinks and a sexy brand.

To check out Guess’ latest collection click here.

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Images by Life Without Andy

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MODERN GAY STYLE: SPORT

Gay Style Modern Gay Basketball Fashion

Basketball is one of the few sports that has created distinct fashion pieces that are acceptable to be worn both on and off the court. From shoes to singlets to headbands, basketball fashion has inspired street-style which has been adopted by gay and straight men alike. The humble high-top, a favourite amongst gay boys trying to achieve that “straight” look, was first introduced to basketball courts in the ’80s as an athletic shoe before it made its way onto the streets.

In this shoot for Attitude Magazine, photographer Jeff Hahn captures the essence of sports style with a fashionable twist.

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RULE NO. 23: YOUR PARENTS DID THE BEST THEY COULD

Bernard Fouquet Modern Gay

When I was 14 my dad took me on a father and son snowboarding trip. The drive from my home to the mountains was over 7 hours and during that time our conversations touched on various topics. I had always had a great relationship with my parents and talked openly with my dad about sex, his sexual experiences and girls. We had never spoken about homosexuality; until that point I hadn’t considered that I might be gay. A few months before my 14th birthday I had started thinking about boys and an older kid at my school had asked me if I was gay. Not knowing what any of this really meant I decided to broach the topic with my dad during our extended car trip. I loved asking my dad questions about sex and dating and being a reformed playboy, he had a lot of tantalising stories to share.

“Dad, how do I know if I’m gay?” I curiously asked. Taken aback, he answered with a very involved and convoluted explanation, using analogies and metaphors that were somewhat confusing for a 14 year old to decipher. He finished his explanation with the statement “although I’ll be disappointed if you’re gay, I will always love and support you”.

I realised two things from our conversation 1. by my fathers explanation and reasoning, I was definitely not gay and 2. that if I ever was to be gay then I would be a disappointment to my father. The latter realisation was particularly troubling as I had always been taught that family was the most important thing and therefore disappointing the family was for me, an unimaginable act of disrespect.

Looking back on that formative conversation I’ve realised that my father was simply handling the situation in the best manner that he knew how. While his explanation would have been understood much better had he just said that being gay meant that a boy liked a boy in the same way that other boys likes girls, he was obviously trying to protect to me.

Although I’m fortunate to have parents who now support and love me regardless of my sexuality, I understand that other people have had much more trying experiences with their families. Whether your parents have dealt well with your coming out or have responded negatively, it’s important to understand that their response is based on their own experiences and their own capability to deal with the situation. Their opinions and values may be based on religious or cultural beliefs or they may not understand what it means to be gay. Whatever their response, one must realise that we cannot change the perspectives of others. What we can do is try empathise with them and see things from their perspective in the hope that they will learn to empathise with us too.

The thought of disappointing  my parents prevented me from coming out to them for much longer than I would have anticipated. When I realised what that disappointment actually meant, I found the confidence to finally tell them. They weren’t disappointed in me as a person, they were disappointed that the life that they had imagined for me wasn’t going to be, and that was OK. They were entitled to that disappointment and even then, those feelings were dealt with and forgotten faster than I anticipated. Once we come out, no matter how our family responds, we must give them space to come to terms with the situation. This may take days, months or even years.

Often I wondered, to the point of resentment why my parents had never asked me if I was gay. It would have been so much easier had they just approached me at 15 and asked me the question rather than waiting for me to come out. This resentment was intensified one evening at a restaurant when my dad pointed out to me a table of good looking men who were clearly gay and jokingly said “there’s some boys for you”. I responded with “if your gaydar is so good then how come you never asked me if I was gay”? to which he responded that he had always known but wasn’t sure how to approach the topic without upsetting me.

Obviously the past cannot be undone but I now see that my parents dealt with the situation the best way that they knew how and with that realisation comes a sense of peace.

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