Patriota Twins Moden Gay

Is who you date a reflection of who you are?

A friend of mine once admitted that he was sexually aroused by the sight of himself naked in the mirror. Instead of other forms of visual stimulation, he openly admitted that when it came to special “alone” time, his own reflection was enough to do the job. There are two things you need to know about this friend: 1. he’s extremely handsome by most people’s standards and 2. he makes Narcissus look like Mother Theresa. I’ve watched the string of boyfriends that have come and gone through his life and although they’ve been of different ages and nationalities, they’ve all had one thing in common – they look identical to him. This made me think about boyfriends and whether or not one’s boyfriend is a reflection of one’s self.

Have you noticed those cute gay couples who look like they could be brothers or father and son for the matter? Sure, some may argue that couples begin to look and act similar over time, much like dogs and their owners but I would suggest that who you choose to date is in fact a reflection of yourself. The short-buff-gym-dude dates other short-buff-gym-dudes much like the narcissistic model dates other narcissistic models or the blondes date blondes etc. So then what does it mean if you’re like me and you date people who are polar opposites? Is this the reflection of  subconscious self-love issues? Maybe. But I would choose to think that it is because you are attracted to people who have qualities that complement your own (whether physical or not).

I’m not assuming that everyone who is attracted to someone of a similar aesthetic or nature is narcissistic, I’m simply discussing extreme examples of the phenomena and trying to draw conclusions. From a more positive perspective, dating someone who looks like you may be a sign that you are comfortable with your inner self. A few years ago I broke up with a boyfriend because he liked things about me that I hated about myself so clearly there was something wrong with him. Now I realise that you can’t truly be open to love if you haven’t accepted yourself, although this realisation hasn’t changed the types of men I date.

There are obviously other factors involved in the subconscious attraction process (like LOA – Read Here) but it’s much easier to look at the superficial reasons so I would love to hear your feedback on the observation that who you date is indeed a reflection of yourself. 

Photo Credit: Patriota Twins by Rick Day for FantasticMag

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  1. joshcetin says:

    Alain De Botton has a really interesting view on this. He believes that we subconsciously choose people who fill needs that we may have needed more when we were growing up. For example, if you had a loud and over-dramatic parent and you didn’t like that about them, naturally you are attracted to someone who is calm and collected.

  2. Dawson says:

    I haven’t been dating men for long, so I really don’t have much experience to draw from. However, I’ve sort of had this idea for a while… They say that people tend to be sexually attracted to those who are genetically quite different from themselves for the purposes of effective procreation. I sometimes ponder whether homosexuals, for whom procreation has no role, are attracted to people who are genetically reasonably close to themselves… I mean, we’re already attracted to the same sex. I admittedly have nothing with which to back this up. It’s just an idea. And it sort of goes well with your Rule that we date people who are reflections of ourselves.

  3. D says:

    I’m Greek so I have a darker skin tone, also short and skinny, and my bf is white, green eyes, quite tall. So I think I’m more attracted to opposites but have I become a reflection of him? Not externally but internally, I would say so. I used to be very messy and now I hate it and am super tidy, like him. And we do basically everything together, hence we have practically the same interests. Sometimes he makes me wear clothes I know I would’ve never worn if we were not a couple, but I like that he makes me come out of my comfort zone a little bit.

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