Tag Archives: equality

SELF SABOTAGE AND THE MAGIC 10%

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I honestly believe that we are our own worst enemies. Growing up gay can be fraught with hardship due to the external pressures we feel from peers, our family and society but it’s the pressure we put on ourselves that can have the most debilitating effect. We don’t often realise the impact of our subconscious minds on our ability to live fulfilling lives. Why is that we never feel fulfilled? Because we self sabotage and what’s worse is that we self sabotage without being consciously aware that we’re doing it.

I used to think that fulfilment would magically find me when I had ticked a certain list of criteria pertaining to my body, career, sexuality, popularity and financial status. My life journey has now led me to understand that fulfilment is something you find within yourself that is not based on the accumulation of things or achievements beyond the self. I have also learnt that many people, myself included will never feel fully satisfied until we can overcome the sly devil inside of us that sabotages our efforts when we’re close to achieving success. Self sabotage leads to disappointment which is a roadblock to finding fulfilment within yourself.

Take this blog for example – in October I committed to writing 31 posts in the lead up to my 31st birthday. I started off strongly enough, posting an article everyday but as I neared the finish line something unconscious clicked inside of me which prevented me from writing until today. It was as if my intention to complete the task to which I had publicly committed was inherently flawed by cause of my own committal. Basically, because I had said I would do it, I couldn’t. I could not write the last few articles much like many other things in my life that I have abruptly stopped right before succeeding at them. This left me utterly disappointment and reciting a harsh yet familiar internal dialogue about my inability to complete a task to which I pledged.

Another example is at the gym where I’ve applied myself to strict regimes that I have confidently followed until spontaneously falling off the bandwagon which always coincides with the same point in time that I’m starting to see positive results from all my hard work. It is as if something inside of me doesn’t want me to succeed and when it sees me trying it lures me into a false sense of comfort before sneaking up on me and undoing all my efforts.

My own self sabotage and reflection of my habits has taught me a valuable lesson – the 10% principle. I’ve come to believe that you can put in 90% of the work but it’s the last 10%, the last push, the last effort, the last hurdle which is where the magic happens. There’s a point where you can see the finish line and if you’re not paying attention you’ll miss the mark and start running backwards unless you find the willpower to push through for only 10% more. That’s the point when everything changes. I believe that the most successful people in their fields are those who have learnt to overcome self sabotage and who push themselves 10% further than the rest of the population. Although it’s a small percentage of the overall effort, it is that portion of the work that makes all the difference.

It took me almost seven months to finally update my blog even though I felt the pressure inside of myself to do so everyday. Had I applied the 10% rule a little earlier then I would have had so much great content to share with you, my wonderful reader. Now I hope to make it up to you with more regular posts and content that I hope you’ll find interesting.

Image by Wendy Loke Photography

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10 IRISH MEN YOU CAN NOW LEGALLY MARRY

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As the votes are being counted in Ireland’s referendum on gay marriage, it appears that the country has chosen ‘yes’ to marriage equality. To celebrate the occasion here is a list of 10 hot Irish men that you can now legally marry:

10. Colin Farrell 

9. Chris O’Dowd

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8. Daniel Day-Lewis

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7. Jack Reynor

6. Niall Horan 

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5. Cillian Murphy

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4. Michael Fassbender

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3. Jonathan Rhys Meyers 

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2. Pierce Brosnan

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1. Jamie Dornan

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MODERN GAY PERSPECTIVE: RUSSIA

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“The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities”

Lord (John Emerich Edward Dalberg) Acton, The History of Freedom in Antiquity, 1877

This post is not a political critique (although the above image would suggest otherwise) nor is it a call to boycott Russian products. Both those things have been addressed by people more powerful and smarter than myself. The purpose of this post is simply to draw attention to the good fortune that many of us take for granted. While our gay brothers and sisters in Russia have their rights stripped away, we in America, Australia, Canada, the UK and countless other countries have the freedom and security to demand even more rights. We take to the streets in large numbers, rainbow flags held high without the fear that we’ll be beaten by our own police or tortured by our fellow citizens. Our governments allow us the freedom to fight for equality even if they’re slow to respond. This isn’t the case for everyone.

While it may sometimes seem impossible to change the world, we do have the power to change how we personally view the world. Let the situation in Russia allow you to see the blessings in your own life. When you look at the bigger picture, the little things that seem to worry you the most fade into insignifcance. Money, cars, clothes, gym, parties, holidays – these things don’t matter to someone whose basic human rights are in jeopardy. Next time you’re at a gay venue, with your gay friends or holding hands with your boyfriend, take a moment to realise that those simple actions aren’t afforded to all men.

We also forget that the privileges and rights that we take for granted are often awarded to us by factors completely out of our control. I’ve often struggled with my life circumstances. I was born a healthy (white) baby into a well-off family, given the best education, had all my needs met, within a society that allowed me to express myself and I had absolutely no say in the process. Why’s that a struggle? I could have just as easily been born into poverty and ended up as one of the almost 1 billion starving people in the world, fighting to survive each day. By fate, or God’s will or the universe’s intention I was dealt the luckiest hand of cards before I even began playing the game of life.

It sometimes take external events like the current situation in Russia to make us realise the blessings we have in our own lives. Take a moment to reflect on what’s really important and perhaps you’ll realise that you are a lot more fortunate than you think.

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COUNTRY OF DISTINCTION: NEW ZEALAND

New Zealand Gay Marriage

New Zealand has become the 13th country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage and the first in the Asia-Pacific region. On Wednesday night, the New Zealand parliament, backed by Prime Minister John Key voted on a bill to amend the 1955 Marriage Act.

New Zealand joins the following countries who recognise same-sex marriage:

Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, South Africa, Argentina, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland and Uruguay.

More information click here.

Do you think that New Zealand’s bill amendment will encourage other countries in the region to follow suit?

Note: The original Marriage Act that was amended on Wednesday was the 1955 Marriage Act, not the 1995 Marriage Act as originally reported.

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