Tag Archives: Instagram

THE GAY AMERICAN MEN OF INSTAGRAM (GAMI)

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An outsider’s satirical view on the gay American men of Instagram.

The gay American men of Instagram (GAMI) must have an abundance of energy and equal amounts of money. I see them on Instagram and I wonder how they have the stamina to lead the eventful lives that they do. If they’re not at a pool party surrounded by equally beautiful men then they’re at a trendy restaurant playing drag bingo or trying out the latest hot-yoga-hip-hop-boot-camp-spin-fusion class. In their spare time they’re running cross-country to raise money for homeless youth or flying business-class across the globe to visit friends in exotic locations. And they’re documenting all of this with the precision and skill of a professional photographer, always ensuring that the angles are right, the timing perfect, the lighting adjusted and the appropriate filters applied. I don’t understand how they do it but I’m intrigued.

Never do I see pictures of them alone, unless of course it’s a gym selfie or an artistic semi-nude picture taken on a mountain trail. They all seem to be very popular, regularly hashtagging “bestie” under pictures of different guys and girls. How many best friends do they have? They must never feel lonely. The GAMI are fascinating and I’m certainly not the only one who is fascinated by them. These men have a combined following of millions. While some use their huge fan base as a means to inspire and raise money and awareness for LGBTI causes, others are happy to simply entertain their adoring fans. And they have plenty of adoring fans. Gay men from around the world love to comment on their pictures, openly daydreaming that one day they too will have fabulous lives.

But how do they do it? How do the GAMI have the energy to maintain their very social social lives? Where do they find the time to attend all those gay parties in all those gay cities throughout the world? And how do they fund their lavish lifestyles?

I can only assume that the GAMI must be making a fortune in their respective careers, although I’m not 100% sure what their careers entail as they never appear to be working. Are they doctors? Dancers? Hairstylists? Make-up artists? Models? Businesspeople? Designers? Whatever they do they must be doing it well because the GAMI are always decked out in the most stylish clothes (when they’re wearing clothes) and always eating in the most expensive restaurants (when they’re eating). Do they ever have downtime or a bad hair day? Do the GAMI get pimples? Do other gay men of Instagram ever reject them? While I’m sure there are plenty of regular gay American men who are also on Instagram and whose lives are unexcitingly normal, I never see them. They do not appear on my news feed or garner enough likes to justify following.

But then again maybe the GAMI don’t always lead such fabulous lives. Perhaps they are smart enough to realize that Instagram isn’t actually a reflection of the real world. Perhaps they have worked out that with clever editing they can make their lives seem much more interesting than they really are. Either that or the gay American men of Instagram have an abundance of energy and equal amounts of money.

Image by Remulo Brandao for Coitus Magazine

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57 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT BEING GAY IN MY 20s

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They say that it’s in your 20s when you really learn who you are and who you want to be. While I don’t know yet if thats true, I’ve certainly learned a lot about myself, about other people and what it means to be a gay 20-something.

Here’s a list of 57 things I’ve learned (so far) about being gay in my 20s:

  1. Sex is not like it is in porn
  2. You don’t need to go to every gay dance party just because it’s a long weekend
  3. Sleeping with someone because you’re lonely won’t make you feel less lonely
  4. You will never find love when you’re desperate to be loved
  5. You can’t make people like you
  6. The best relationships start with someone being brave enough to say hello
  7. The more time you spend at the gym, the less content you will be with your body
  8. You’re happier when you’re eating carbs
  9. Brains, ambition, confidence and a sense of humour are harder to find than abs, biceps and a big chest
  10. Messaging your ex-boyfriend when you’re drunk on Saturday night is not a good idea
  11. Sundays are more fun when you’re not hung-over
  12. Devoting time to do charity will make you happier than only devoting time to yourself
  13. Gratitude is the key to happiness
  14. Don’t compare yourself to others
  15. You are not a real housewife of NYC or Beverly Hills or Orange County
  16. Everyone is just as confused as you are
  17. The people who you think have their shit together are often the most messed up
  18. The number of selfies you take is inversely proportianate to how good you feel about yourself
  19. “Liking” something on Instagram will never replace a compliment delivered in person
  20. The less time you spend on social media the happier you will be
  21. You don’t need to take your shirt off every time you’re in a place with more than 10 gays
  22. FOMO fades overtime when you realize that there’s not really much to miss out on
  23. Enjoy the moment
  24. Having a photographer take your picture does not a model make
  25. Wear what you want
  26. It’s better to be disliked for being yourself than to be liked for trying to be someone else
  27. You don’t have to have your life in order by 27
  28. Use your head and heart as often as you use your penis
  29. It’s best to leave some things to the imagination
  30. The most intriguing people are the ones you know the least about
  31. Happy couples aren’t always happy
  32. Not everything needs to be shared on social media
  33. Get over your slutty phase as soon as possible before you develop a reputation
  34. Sometimes mornings alone with Sean Cody are better than mornings in bed with some random
  35. Sleeping with straight boys is like drinking tequila, it seems like a fun idea at the time but you’ll regret it in the morning
  36. You may think you fell in love in Mykonos but it won’t last when you both go home
  37. Always wear a condom
  38. Your heart will be broken but it will eventually mend
  39. Don’t place your self worth in other people’s hands
  40. If you can’t find any gay role models, try to become one
  41. Surround yourself with people who inspire you
  42. It’s never too late to start
  43. Be careful who you send nude pictures to
  44. Snapchats can be saved
  45. You might make new friends but the best ones are those who have been there the whole time
  46. The guys you party with don’t necessarily have your best interests at heart
  47. If you’re feeling down, talk to someone, chances are they’ve felt the same way
  48. You can sit with us
  49. You don’t need to shave your chest hair
  50. Just because you love Gaga and Britney doesn’t mean you can’t listen to The Hives
  51. It may be in fashion but it doesn’t mean it’s going to suit you
  52. Bleaching your hair was a bad idea
  53. Plan for where you want to be in 10 years
  54. There’s more to you than your sexuality
  55. You are not better than anyone else
  56. Be kind to others
  57. There’s still so much you don’t know

Image by Sharif Hamza for VMAN Magazine

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RULE NO. 12: IF YOU WANT TO FIND LOVE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON

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Personally, when I’m about to have sex with a new partner I want to be able to unwrap the present, not already knowing what the gift inside looks like.

My mom and dad have been married for 32 years. Theirs is a relationship out of a fairytale. They actually remind me of Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun from The Notebook. It’s not that my folks have ever been engaged to other people or that they’ve lived in the Southern States of America. My dad has never built a house for my mom and as far as I know my mother isn’t an heiress. As a matter of fact, my parents and these characters have nothing in common except their undying love for each other. I have never seen two people who are as much in love, apart from the movies, quite like my parents. Their story truly ends happily ever after which is problematic for a person like myself who doesn’t believe in Hollywood endings.

One evening, while I was chatting to my dad about another one of my failed relationships, I asked “Dad, what’s the secret to meeting your soulmate?”.

“There is no secret” he responded, “everyone is just so overexposed these days that there is no magic or mystery in relationships”.

His words instantly struck a chord me with me. I’ve always felt nostalgic for the bygone days when men would court their love interests and couples would create relationships founded on newly learnt knowledge of each other. Perhaps this is why The Notebook is a favourite amongst gays and single women. We’re all hoping that one day our Noah or Ryan Gosling will appear out of anonymity and save us from singledom. But nowadays, with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff, Dudesnude etc it seems that nobody remains anonymous for long.

There are no surprises anymore, no intrigue or mystery surrounding people. Not only do I know what you look like without your clothes on but I know what you ate for breakfast. I’ve witnessed all the holidays you took with your ex-boyfriend, your intimate moments in bed together, the walks along the beach, what he bought you for Valentine’s Day. Hell, I’ve even seen the collages of pictures from each week you were together (and I noticed when they stopped too!). I know what you look like in your underpants, I’ve seen your entire wardrobe, I know all your friends and I even know which is your favourite movie. I’ve witnessed all the songs you listen to on Spotify, read all your funny jokes, followed your check-ins at your favourite cafes and know who else was there with you. I’ve virtually met your mother, grandmother and siblings. I’ve seen the inside of your bedroom, know what car you drive, where you have you hair cut, how you take your coffee and what your desk at work looks like. I’ve seen pictures of you when your were a kid and to be honest your were #cuter when you weren’t so vain and wore a shirt more often. Which makes me think, who takes those “selfie” shirtless pictures for you anyway?

Now before you accuse me of hypocrisy, I openly admit that I am responsible for partaking in many of the previously listed activities although I draw the line at soft-core porn. Quite frankly I find it all rather attention seeking but before I digress too far let me bring it back to the purpose of this post. In a time when we are all encouraged to be more linked-in, wouldn’t you prefer it if people kept their face out of your book? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if new love interests had the opportunity to discover all your subtle character traits for themselves? Personally, when I’m about to have sex with a new partner I want to be able to unwrap the present, not already knowing what the gift inside looks like. If everyone’s already seen the package on Instagram, where’s the excitement?

So before you complain about never meeting your Prince Charming or that your relationships never last, step away from the gym mirror, lay down your phone, put your pants back on and ask yourself “what would Noah do?”.

Image: River Viiperi (Paris Hilton’s boyfriend) for Interview Magazine. Here are some more pictures from the September 2012 underwear editorial featuring other male models.

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