Tag Archives: Kim Kardashian

17 TIMES WHEN THIS PICTURE OF KIM KARDASHIAN PERFECTLY DEPICTED MY GAY LIFE IN LONDON

kim kardashian cry

It’s been almost three months since I moved to London and while I have thoroughly enjoyed myself for the most part, there have been a few moments when I’ve felt like a frightened Kim Kardashian being mobbed at Paris Fashion Week. Here is list of 17 times when this picture of Kim Kardashian perfectly depicted my gay life in London:

1. THAT TIME WHEN I WAS THE OLDEST PERSON AT G-A-Y LATE

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2. THAT TIME WHEN MY FRIENDS LEFT ME ALONE AT EAST BLOC

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3. THAT TIME WHEN I ENDED UP AT FIRE ON A FRIDAY MORNING

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4. THAT TIME THAT I WENT TO HEAVEN ON A MONDAY NIGHT 

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5. WHEN THERE WAS A SIGNAL FAILURE AT BANK AND I HAD TO WAIT 7 MINUTES FOR THE TRAIN TO ARRIVE

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6. WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY FOUND MYSELF ON OXFORD STREET ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON

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7. WHEN I FLEW EASYJET TO ITALY

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8. WHEN NONE OF THE EQUIPMENT WAS FREE AT FITNESS FIRST

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9. WHEN I MET A HOT BOY IN SHADOW LOUNGE AND HE INVITED ME BACK TO HIS PLACE…IN ZONE 4

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10. WHEN THE WAIT FOR A TABLE AT EVERY RESTAURANT IN SOHO WAS OVER AN HOUR

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11. WHEN I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE A BLACK CAB FROM DALSTON TO NOTTING HILL

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12. WHEN I HAD TO TAKE THE TUBE DURING PEAK HOUR

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13. WHEN I WENT TO BOROUGH MARKETS

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14. WHEN I HAD TO PAY £15 TO GET INTO ROOM SERVICE

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15. WHEN I COULDN’T FIND ANYWHERE TO SIT DOWN AT THE YARD

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16. WHEN I REALISED THAT ALL THE HOT BARTENDERS ARE STRAIGHT

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17. WHEN I THINK ABOUT EVER HAVING TO LEAVE THIS EPIC CITY

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RULE NO. 12: IF YOU WANT TO FIND LOVE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON

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Personally, when I’m about to have sex with a new partner I want to be able to unwrap the present, not already knowing what the gift inside looks like.

My mom and dad have been married for 32 years. Theirs is a relationship out of a fairytale. They actually remind me of Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun from The Notebook. It’s not that my folks have ever been engaged to other people or that they’ve lived in the Southern States of America. My dad has never built a house for my mom and as far as I know my mother isn’t an heiress. As a matter of fact, my parents and these characters have nothing in common except their undying love for each other. I have never seen two people who are as much in love, apart from the movies, quite like my parents. Their story truly ends happily ever after which is problematic for a person like myself who doesn’t believe in Hollywood endings.

One evening, while I was chatting to my dad about another one of my failed relationships, I asked “Dad, what’s the secret to meeting your soulmate?”.

“There is no secret” he responded, “everyone is just so overexposed these days that there is no magic or mystery in relationships”.

His words instantly struck a chord me with me. I’ve always felt nostalgic for the bygone days when men would court their love interests and couples would create relationships founded on newly learnt knowledge of each other. Perhaps this is why The Notebook is a favourite amongst gays and single women. We’re all hoping that one day our Noah or Ryan Gosling will appear out of anonymity and save us from singledom. But nowadays, with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff, Dudesnude etc it seems that nobody remains anonymous for long.

There are no surprises anymore, no intrigue or mystery surrounding people. Not only do I know what you look like without your clothes on but I know what you ate for breakfast. I’ve witnessed all the holidays you took with your ex-boyfriend, your intimate moments in bed together, the walks along the beach, what he bought you for Valentine’s Day. Hell, I’ve even seen the collages of pictures from each week you were together (and I noticed when they stopped too!). I know what you look like in your underpants, I’ve seen your entire wardrobe, I know all your friends and I even know which is your favourite movie. I’ve witnessed all the songs you listen to on Spotify, read all your funny jokes, followed your check-ins at your favourite cafes and know who else was there with you. I’ve virtually met your mother, grandmother and siblings. I’ve seen the inside of your bedroom, know what car you drive, where you have you hair cut, how you take your coffee and what your desk at work looks like. I’ve seen pictures of you when your were a kid and to be honest your were #cuter when you weren’t so vain and wore a shirt more often. Which makes me think, who takes those “selfie” shirtless pictures for you anyway?

Now before you accuse me of hypocrisy, I openly admit that I am responsible for partaking in many of the previously listed activities although I draw the line at soft-core porn. Quite frankly I find it all rather attention seeking but before I digress too far let me bring it back to the purpose of this post. In a time when we are all encouraged to be more linked-in, wouldn’t you prefer it if people kept their face out of your book? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if new love interests had the opportunity to discover all your subtle character traits for themselves? Personally, when I’m about to have sex with a new partner I want to be able to unwrap the present, not already knowing what the gift inside looks like. If everyone’s already seen the package on Instagram, where’s the excitement?

So before you complain about never meeting your Prince Charming or that your relationships never last, step away from the gym mirror, lay down your phone, put your pants back on and ask yourself “what would Noah do?”.

Image: River Viiperi (Paris Hilton’s boyfriend) for Interview Magazine. Here are some more pictures from the September 2012 underwear editorial featuring other male models.

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