No matter which gay club you visit throughout the world you’re bound to find variations of the same people. Here is The Modern Gay Guide’s list of the 10 PEOPLE YOU MEET AT GAY CLUBS.
1. The Party Boy
“The Party Boy” comes in all shapes and sizes from the typical muscle jock who works out at the gym 6 days a week in order to look hot at the club to the skinny twink in gold short-shorts and the hairy bear, bound in leather. The one thing that they all have in common is that they’re probably shirtless and don’t have a full-time job to worry about come Monday morning. You’ll find them on the same dance floor every weekend.
2. The Fag Hag
She’s the queen of the gays and everybody knows her name. Never seen in the company of other women, “The Fag Hag” frequents gay clubs with “her gays” and is often seen locking lips with party boys after downing one too many Jaeger shots.
3. The Bachelorette
Dressed in a white veil, clutching a sex toy and wearing a sash that says Bride to Be, “The Bachelorette” and her bridesmaids love the novelty gay experience. They giggle uncontrollably as they rub up against the sweaty party boys on the dance floor and take thousands of pictures on their iPhones of semi-naked men whose chiselled bodies look nothing like their husbands’.
4. The Straight Guy
It’s 3am and all the straight clubs are closed. That’s when the straight boys head over to the gay clubs. There’s always a late night/morning gay club filled with revellers who eagerly anticipate the arrival of heterosexual meat. Sure you might score the odd straight guy pash or if you’re lucky he’ll be so out of it that you’ll take him home for some experimenting but guaranteed the next day he’ll freak out, swear he’s not a “fag” and you’ll never see him again.
5. The “I’m never coming back here again” Guy
“I hate this place” he says as he enters the club for the fifth consecutive weekend. He sways from side-to-side on the dance floor as his party boy friends dance frantically so that all the other boys are aware that they’ve arrived. He buys himself a drink, makes a comment about how “there’s no-one here” and then leaves, swearing to never come back again. Until he does, the following week.
6. The First Timer
For underage gay boys, the gay club promises to be nirvana – a magical place where all their wildest dreams will finally come true. They count down the days until they are legal or until they can find a convincing enough fake ID. When the day finally comes, they’re in their element, taking it all in (so to speak) like a kid in a candy store.
7. The Out-of-towner
He has read about this place on GayCities or asked people on Grindr where the best clubs can be found. He’s written a list of all the clubs and bars to visit and ordered them according to the days of the week just to make sure he doesn’t miss any of the hot spots. You’ll notice him because he’ll be the overly enthusiastic guy talking to everyone, desperately trying to make friends and take home some of the local talent.
8. The Lone Ranger
Possibly drunk, possibly still in the closet or possibly an out-of-towner, “The Lone Ranger” can be found prowling around the club by himself. The Lone Ranger constantly moves around to make sure nobody realises that he’s by himself. Alternatively, he’ll be found hidden in a discrete corner waiting to be picked-up by the first person that makes eye contact with him.
9. The Older Gentleman
He’s been here since the doors opened. Thirty years ago. Although in his late 60s “The Older Gentleman” is not ready to forgo his party boy status. While most of his friends have hung up their fluro bracelets and shark tooth necklaces, he’s still dancing to his own techno beat and there’s no sign that he’ll ever stop.
10. The Drag Queen
She practically owns this joint and you better not mess with her otherwise you’ll be escorted out by a bouncer who looks like Shrek. Not only is she the hostess and the star of the midnight show but she’s the giver of free drink passes and sassy one-liners. “The Drag Queen” is never seen on the dance floor mixing with the commoners; she’s either in a private booth, backstage or posing for a photo with The Bachelorette.