Tag Archives: GAY CLUBS

WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO EMBRACE REJECTION

I recently had a revelation about rejection while I was on the dance-floor in a random gay club in Boston. It was a Thursday evening in July and I was in the club alone. My friends were coming in from New York later that night and I had just enjoyed a dinner for one in a nearby restaurant frequented by Boston’s local gay community. After a couple of beers, a nice buzz settled over me and I was not in the mood to return to my hotel, so I did what I sometimes do when I’m feeling super confident (read tipsy) – I went out alone. Going to a gay club (or anywhere for that matter) by one’s self can be both daunting and empowering. It’s a lot easier when on holiday in a new city as you are unlikely to return anytime soon and thus need not worry about developing a reputation for being that guy who goes clubbing by himself (although there is nothing wrong with that either!).

I casually strolled past the door of the club a couple of times, conducting a ‘drive-by’ to try get a sense of what the place was like before committing to entering. ‘Just walk in and you can always walk out if you’re uncomfortable’, I said to myself, building up the confidence to actually go through with the act. Finally, I entered the unknown and was greeted by a sea of gay Bostonian boys. Another beer later and I was feeling even more confident and very pleased with myself at having the balls to go out alone. I tried to make eyes with the locals (eye contact – a dying approach to picking up in the world of gay dating apps) but received very little feedback. I began to feel a little despondent and conscious of the fact that I was dancing on my own (Robyn reference).

That’s when I realised that rejection is actually a wonderful thing.

To be honest, I hadn’t actually put myself too far out there to be rejected but I had been overlooked which at the time felt like the same thing. Nonetheless, I came to understand that rejection is actually a blessing in disguise. The way I see it is that with each rejection you’re one step closer to meeting the right person, whether that be the right person for the evening or the right person for life. It’s like a game of odds. The more chances you take, the more likely you are to win.  You’re also bettering your game-playing skills with each chance taken.  Let’s get mathematical for a minute to demonstrate my point further. Imagine that your Mr. Right is one guy in a group of 100. The chance of finding him on the first try is 1%. Those odds are pretty low but as you approach more guys and eliminate those that rejected you from the group, your chances get higher. Ultimately, you’ll find your man even if it means having to deal with 99 rejections along the way.

Now, I know that life is not a neat mathematical equation and I’ve probably over-simplified the problem but, in my experience, you do have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (I’m still looking for mine and my lips are chapped but I’m hopeful!). The way I justify disappointment in love or picking-up in a gay club is through reframing the experience and seeing each rejection as a step closer to success. This is the same approach I try take in all areas of my life. Whether it be a career disappointment or missing out on renting what I thought was my dream apartment or waking up too late and forgetting to book tickets to see Britney Spears, I’ve noticed that something better is always just around the corner.

So instead of seeing rejection as negative or allowing your ego to sabotage the experience to reaffirm your feelings of unworthiness, change your thinking and learn to springboard off rejection, using it as a tool of empowerment. You must also never forget that in the end you want to be with someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. If someone isn’t interested in you, there’s nothing you can do to change that so you shouldn’t exert emotion or effort trying to make them feel otherwise.

Image by Vladimir Snezhin

Now read this – 57 THINGS I’VE LEARNT ABOUT BEING GAY IN MY 20s

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GAY CLUBS ARE A REFLECTION OF YOU

A crowd in a gay club

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with gay clubs over the years but in this short video I discuss how they are actually a reflection of your state of mind and I offer some advice on what you can do to improve your gay clubbing experience.

Watch below or click here.

 

 

 

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MODERN GAY ROMANCE: DATE LIKE A STRAIGHT GIRL

gay date gay love gay romance

I have decided that dating like a gay boy has been quite unsuccessful thus far. In a bid to improve my romantic prospects, I’ve undertaken informal ethnographic research into a subgroup of the human species, a group that has long been committed to the procurement of suitable, long-term companions. Henceforth I have decided to date like a straight girl.

Straight girls, being a very goal-oriented species, know how to locate, persuade and secure a potential mate. As such there is much that we can learn from this mysterious group. First though, we must look at how straight girls and gay boys differ in order to broaden our understanding.

Straight girls feel the pressure of time in their late 20s. Gay boys feel like they’re 20 for the rest of time.

Women are well aware of aging and for those who want to have children, there comes a time in their 20s when they realize that their body clocks are ticking.  This pressure to find a partner and have children before it’s “too late” encourages single straight women to take stock of their lives, mentally mature and make any necessary changes to find a proper mate. Gay men on the other hand have no such pressure and therefore feel that time is limitless. As a result, we are never forced to really grow up and spend the rest of our lives acting like we’re still in our 20’s. Not having that moment in time to take stock of our lives means that we don’t stop and think what it is we are really looking for.

Straight girls are looking for men who can be daddies to their children. Gay boys act like children who are looking for sugar daddies.

Straight girls look for a partner that will be a suitable father to their children. They wonder if their man will be able to provide for his family in the future. Does he share the same values? Is he patient? Is he loving? Gay boys on the other hand are looking for guys who can provide for them in the moment. Does he turn me on? Is he hot? Is he good in bed? Personally, I would like to have children and hope to find a man that not only satisfies my needs now but who will also be a loving father in the future. I’ve realized that these kinds of men can’t be found amongst the headless torsos of Grindr.

Straight girls look for men with big ambition. Gay boys look for men with big…

Sexual chemistry is an important part of a relationship but it’s not the most important part. Many gay boys place too much importance on physical attraction, dating men with big biceps, big chests and big egos. After a while though the attraction wanes and the relationship fails. Then they repeat the cycle, finding a man of similar ilk and wonder why that relationship disappoints too. Long-term relationships are built on shared values, friendship, mutual understanding, love and patience and straight girls understand this. Straight girls look beyond the purely physical and are attracted to men with ambition, goals, intelligence, humor and other qualities that exceed the peripheral.

Straight girls look to build a home with their partner. Gay boys look for partners at clubs that play house music.

As a gay boy, there comes a time in your 20’s when you realize that gay clubs are all the same. Wherever you are in the world they tend to be filled with the same people (10 people you meet in gay clubs), play the same music and leave you with the same feelings at the end of the night.  Sure, they can be fun on the odd occasion but when you make clubbing the primary means by which to pick-up men, you are bound to be disappointed. Straight girls have realized that their future partner probably wont be found on a sweaty dance floor and those that have already found their significant other can attest that staying home is far more enjoyable than shooting tequila in a crowded club.

Straight girls know that promiscuity doesn’t lead to love. Gay boys think that being promiscuous will make them feel loved.

Many straight girls use their early 20’s and college years to experiment sexually so that by the time they are in their late 20’s they’re ready to settle down. They have learnt that one-night stands and drunken hook-ups don’t lead to long-term relationships; they lead to hangovers and heartbreak. It takes much longer for gay guys to realize that sexual intimacy doesn’t equate to love. Unfortunately for some guys that realization never comes. They find themselves in an endless loop of short sexual encounters, hoping that the next one will be the one that makes them feel loved.

As Albert Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results”. If you’re looking for love and haven’t had much success in the past, then it’s time to rethink your approach. Straight girls certainly have the right idea, probably because they’ve had much more time to perfect the art of dating. Maybe it’s time then that you too dated like a straight girl?

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10 PEOPLE YOU MEET AT GAY CLUBS

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No matter which gay club you visit throughout the world you’re bound to find variations of the same people. Here is The Modern Gay Guide’s list of the 10 PEOPLE YOU MEET AT GAY CLUBS.

1. The Party Boy

Gay Channing Tatum

“The Party Boy” comes in all shapes and sizes from the typical muscle jock who works out at the gym 6 days a week in order to look hot at the club to the skinny twink in gold short-shorts and the hairy bear, bound in leather. The one thing that they all have in common is that they’re probably shirtless and don’t have a full-time job to worry about come Monday morning. You’ll find them on the same dance floor every weekend.

2. The Fag Hag

Fag Hag Modern Gay Life

She’s the queen of the gays and everybody knows her name. Never seen in the company of other women, “The Fag Hag” frequents gay clubs with “her gays” and is often seen locking lips with party boys after downing one too many Jaeger shots.

3. The Bachelorette

bachelorette party gay sluts

Dressed in a white veil, clutching a sex toy and wearing a sash that says  Bride to Be, “The Bachelorette” and her bridesmaids love the novelty gay experience. They giggle uncontrollably as they rub up against the sweaty party boys on the dance floor and take thousands of pictures on their iPhones of semi-naked men whose chiselled bodies look nothing like their husbands’.

4. The Straight Guy

Taylor Lautner Gay

It’s 3am and all the straight clubs are closed. That’s when the straight boys head over to the gay clubs. There’s always a late night/morning gay club filled with revellers who eagerly anticipate the arrival of heterosexual meat. Sure you might score the odd straight guy pash or if you’re lucky he’ll be so out of it that you’ll take him home for some experimenting but guaranteed the next day he’ll freak out, swear he’s not a “fag” and you’ll never see him again.

5. The “I’m never coming back here again” Guy

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“I hate this place” he says as he enters the club for the fifth consecutive weekend. He sways from side-to-side on the dance floor as his party boy friends dance frantically so that all the other boys are aware that they’ve arrived. He buys himself a drink, makes a comment about how “there’s no-one here” and then leaves, swearing to never come back again. Until he does, the following week.

6. The First Timer

Gay Club First Time

For underage gay boys, the gay club promises to be nirvana – a magical place where all their wildest dreams will finally come true. They count down the days until they are legal or until they can find a convincing enough fake ID. When the day finally comes, they’re in their element, taking it all in (so to speak) like a kid in a candy store.

7. The Out-of-towner

gay best friend

He has read about this place on GayCities or asked people on Grindr where the best clubs can be found. He’s written a list of all the clubs and bars to visit and ordered them according to the days of the week just to make sure he doesn’t miss any of the hot spots. You’ll notice him because he’ll be the overly enthusiastic guy talking to everyone, desperately trying to make friends and take home some of the local talent.

8. The Lone Ranger

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Possibly drunk, possibly still in the closet or possibly an out-of-towner, “The Lone Ranger” can be found prowling around the club by himself. The Lone Ranger constantly moves around to make sure nobody realises that he’s by himself. Alternatively, he’ll be found hidden in a discrete corner waiting to be picked-up by the first person that makes eye contact with him.

9. The Older Gentleman

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He’s been here since the doors opened. Thirty years ago. Although in his late 60s “The Older Gentleman” is not ready to forgo his party boy status.  While most of his friends have hung up their fluro bracelets and shark tooth necklaces, he’s still dancing to his own techno beat and there’s no sign that he’ll ever stop.

10. The Drag Queen

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She practically owns this joint and you better not mess with her otherwise you’ll be escorted out by a bouncer who looks like Shrek. Not only is she the hostess and the star of the midnight show but she’s the giver of free drink passes and sassy one-liners. “The Drag Queen” is never seen on the dance floor mixing with the commoners; she’s either in a private booth, backstage or posing for a photo with The Bachelorette.

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