I have decided that dating like a gay boy has been quite unsuccessful thus far. In a bid to improve my romantic prospects, I’ve undertaken informal ethnographic research into a subgroup of the human species, a group that has long been committed to the procurement of suitable, long-term companions. Henceforth I have decided to date like a straight girl.
Straight girls, being a very goal-oriented species, know how to locate, persuade and secure a potential mate. As such there is much that we can learn from this mysterious group. First though, we must look at how straight girls and gay boys differ in order to broaden our understanding.
Straight girls feel the pressure of time in their late 20s. Gay boys feel like they’re 20 for the rest of time.
Women are well aware of aging and for those who want to have children, there comes a time in their 20s when they realize that their body clocks are ticking. This pressure to find a partner and have children before it’s “too late” encourages single straight women to take stock of their lives, mentally mature and make any necessary changes to find a proper mate. Gay men on the other hand have no such pressure and therefore feel that time is limitless. As a result, we are never forced to really grow up and spend the rest of our lives acting like we’re still in our 20’s. Not having that moment in time to take stock of our lives means that we don’t stop and think what it is we are really looking for.
Straight girls are looking for men who can be daddies to their children. Gay boys act like children who are looking for sugar daddies.
Straight girls look for a partner that will be a suitable father to their children. They wonder if their man will be able to provide for his family in the future. Does he share the same values? Is he patient? Is he loving? Gay boys on the other hand are looking for guys who can provide for them in the moment. Does he turn me on? Is he hot? Is he good in bed? Personally, I would like to have children and hope to find a man that not only satisfies my needs now but who will also be a loving father in the future. I’ve realized that these kinds of men can’t be found amongst the headless torsos of Grindr.
Straight girls look for men with big ambition. Gay boys look for men with big…
Sexual chemistry is an important part of a relationship but it’s not the most important part. Many gay boys place too much importance on physical attraction, dating men with big biceps, big chests and big egos. After a while though the attraction wanes and the relationship fails. Then they repeat the cycle, finding a man of similar ilk and wonder why that relationship disappoints too. Long-term relationships are built on shared values, friendship, mutual understanding, love and patience and straight girls understand this. Straight girls look beyond the purely physical and are attracted to men with ambition, goals, intelligence, humor and other qualities that exceed the peripheral.
Straight girls look to build a home with their partner. Gay boys look for partners at clubs that play house music.
As a gay boy, there comes a time in your 20’s when you realize that gay clubs are all the same. Wherever you are in the world they tend to be filled with the same people (10 people you meet in gay clubs), play the same music and leave you with the same feelings at the end of the night. Sure, they can be fun on the odd occasion but when you make clubbing the primary means by which to pick-up men, you are bound to be disappointed. Straight girls have realized that their future partner probably wont be found on a sweaty dance floor and those that have already found their significant other can attest that staying home is far more enjoyable than shooting tequila in a crowded club.
Straight girls know that promiscuity doesn’t lead to love. Gay boys think that being promiscuous will make them feel loved.
Many straight girls use their early 20’s and college years to experiment sexually so that by the time they are in their late 20’s they’re ready to settle down. They have learnt that one-night stands and drunken hook-ups don’t lead to long-term relationships; they lead to hangovers and heartbreak. It takes much longer for gay guys to realize that sexual intimacy doesn’t equate to love. Unfortunately for some guys that realization never comes. They find themselves in an endless loop of short sexual encounters, hoping that the next one will be the one that makes them feel loved.
As Albert Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results”. If you’re looking for love and haven’t had much success in the past, then it’s time to rethink your approach. Straight girls certainly have the right idea, probably because they’ve had much more time to perfect the art of dating. Maybe it’s time then that you too dated like a straight girl?
All the old school gays already knew this. All you had to do was ask! Gay years are like dog years. You have a small window of opportunity where you get to choose anyone you want. That ends by 25 or 26. Then it’s a negotiation. By 40 you have to wait to get chosen. I went for the ‘put a ring on it’ theory. That insulates the individual. One long relationship under your belt gives you ‘cred’. 🙂
And woe unto the gay man who’s never had a relationship longer than a year by the time his shelf life expires. Then it really becomes a shark tank.
I think you have the right idea here. I’ve had virtually no luck in Internet/social network dating. Plenty of guys say they’re looking for relationships, but “looking?” isn’t much of a start. Where are all of the decent gay guys hiding? It seems virtually impossible to find a solid partner and mate if a guy doesn’t have a good job and good body by age 30, as that seems to be what everyone is looking for in gay land.
This is the most closed minded article ive read in a long time. If I didn’t know any better I’d say your dealing with some serious internal homophobia issues. There are organisations in Sydney thay can help you accept and love who you are.
Thanks for your comment. I think you may have missed the satirical tone of the article but I appreciate the feedback nonetheless.
[…] 2), in this list, but I now note that reports on this vary, perhaps geographically). Gay men sometimes acknowledge that their approach to relationships tends to differ from heterosexuals. Statistics […]